Slow down!

It’s been awhile since I have been able to post!  I am falling more and more in love with Olivia every day.  She is almost 4 months old now!  I can’t believe it.  She is finally smiling more and more, and is hitting a bunch of other developmental milestones.  She has discovered her feet!  Olivia loves bath time now.  It can still be very stressful going through some leaps.  When she cries and there is no way to console her, you get frustrated until you realize that you are getting mad at a baby!!  It’s not her fault, nor is it mine when she is going through a little tantrum.  She’s growing and I can only imagine how stressful some parts are for her.  It’s fine though, I don’t mind.  When she smiles and holds your finger while looking in your eyes you know it’s worth it.  It’s still pretty tough basically being only on one income, but we are making it work.  I am dreading going back to work, I can’t imagine not being with her every hour of the day, but I know when my year is up that it’ll be worth it in the end.  This weekend we are celebrating thanksgiving with Scotts parents, they are coming down and making turkey and all the fixings.  It will probably be the last time we see them for a bit as they usually head down to the states for the winter.

Olivia is like I said just shy of 4 months, she is still a tiny little thing weighing just over 10 pounds at her 3 month checkup, her head is still ginormous (thanks dad) but she’s slowly growing into it.  She has started balding a bit, but apparently it’s very common for babies to lose ALL their hair and then have it regrow.  Her 4 month shots are on her 4 month day!  All in all, a very happy, healthy little girl right now.  She is sleeping great, we are still bedsharing, but I enjoy it because that way we are both getting a lot of sleep, I know soon she will have to go to her crib but I don’t want to even think about that yet!  I enjoy my little cuddles every night and our little routine we have going.

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You know…

There are many things that you will begin to learn as a new mom.

•Smelling that your baby has pooped after 2 days is super exciting.

•Checking to make sure they are still breathing because there is no way they would voluntarily sleep for 3 hours straight.

•You have no issues going the bathroom while holding the baby.. Better than them crying two feet away.

•After the second T-shirt change from spit up you just give up and rock the stain.

•All those cute outfits you bought or got as gifts? Yeah.. You wish they were actually just onesies now.

•High possibility you will talk about poop for at least a half an hour a day.


Formula is not the devil..

When I first got pregnant I automatically assumed I would be breastfeeding.  It’s a great way to save money and all you ever hear is how the breast is the best.  I had a pump ready, I had breast pads, I have everything to prepare me for breastfeeding.  Unfortunately due to my delivery and the blood loss mixed in with previous anemia, my supply just didn’t come and so I had to resort to formula feeding.  I never really thought twice about the first time she got formula, which was when she was only 24 hours old.  My milk had not come in, I wasn’t getting anything from expressing and she was jaundice.  My baby was sick, and needed to start peeing & pooping immediately to try and get her jaundice levels down.  Of course I went with formula in the hospital, I wasn’t going to just tell them to hold off on it for my own selfish reasons.  She needed it, I needed it, and I don’t regret it.  I still continued to try and pump the 5 days we were in the hospital while she was under the lights but it just wasn’t happening.  When we got released the nurses were nice enough to give us enough formula and a few bottles to last us the night until we could get to walmart the following day.  Ever since then it has been formula.  She gains great on it, she likes it, and I know exactly how much she’s getting during every feed.  Unfortunately there is just a negative stigma towards formula that it’s really hard to be able to relate to other moms.  So many of them whether they know you or not, will silently judge you when you whip out the bottle to feed your crying baby.  They don’t even know if it’s formula or breastmilk but they just assume, and they think you are giving them devil juice.  I have had a few buddies from my due date groups who have had to give up breastfeeding and switch to formula and they are almost scared to even talk about it, because there are some scary ass moms out there who are just waiting to lecture you on how much better breastmilk is. The whole breastfeeding vs formula argument is almost getting as bad as the whole circumcision argument, or better yet the vaccination argument.  In the end I want my future mommy friends to know that if you end up not being able to breastfeed or you have to give up later on, DO NOT FEEL BAD, you tried and that’s all that matters.  



wait what?

There is lots of things about being pregnant and having a newborn that they don’t tell you.

Here are some of the things you are in store for.


•The 6 week post baby period.  Its very, very common to bleed this long after birth.

•The stinging when you pee. The amount of time I spent holding in my bladder to avoid that horrible sensation is incredible, especially if you have stitches that you have to keep moist after while they heal…

•How excited you will be for your first poop.

•How sweaty you will be. The night sweats are the worst. Many nights you’ll wake up and wonder if your water broke, you peed, or if its just sweat.

•The mucus plug you lose before giving birth is the most disgusting thing. It looks like a gigantic booger.

•Throughout my entire pregnancy I thought it was the pushing part that would hurt. Its not.  Its the moment that head crowns and you get that burning ring of fire sensation.. Good news though is that its almost over at that point.

•Epidurals don’t make you immune to the pain. You still feel the pressure and know when you’re having a contraction. It just numbs you!

•If you have a girl you really learn how many creases there are when you’re cleaning poop from her vagina.

•The smell… You will learn to be amazed that a 7 pound adorable baby can produce so much poop with such a strong smell. It will impress dad.

•When they spit up it can be terrifying when it comes out of their nose. Lean them forward and “burp” to assist them.

•Baby blues.. This is when you’re feeling depressed after birth. You are not the only one who feels like this nor does it make you a bad mom. Especially being a first time mom it is soooo overwhelming and there is really nothing that can prepare you for motherhood! It does get better but if 6 weeks later you’re still feeling down don’t be embarrassed to speak with your doctor.

•You will get hairy. Some ladies will out their boyfriends treasure trail to shame. You can shave your armpits in the morning and by lunch time there’s a 5 o’clock shadow. Good news your hair on your head will grow fast too though.

•The best (worst) thing about being pregnant or a new mom is that everyone thinks that means you want to hear their opinions on child raising.


27 hours…

So we were fast approaching my induction date which was set for the 14th, it was terrifying but I was happy to know that the next time I would go to the hospital would be the real deal and my baby would be coming home with me.  Well, baby had other plans!  It was Friday the 13th which also happened to be the night of the stanley cup finals where Scotts favorite team (kings) was playing.  As with every other game we planned on watching it together.  Around 3 pm I felt what I thought was contractions, but they were so weak and so far apart I kind of just ignored them.  Once Scott got home at 6:30 the game was about to begin so I sat my butt down and ate some chicken wings while we watched the game.  It was a very intense game, panic attack worthy you could say.  In the end the kings won, it was an awesome celebration we were stoked on it!  It was around 9 when the game ended, and it was also around 9 my contractions were definitely contractions.  They were still far apart but oh boy I knew that that is what it was.  Everyone always asks me now that I have gone through it “what do contractions feel like” and honestly?  They feel like really strong, sharp period cramps at the beginning.  I was also lucky enough to experience them in my back, so it was like having a pulled lower back muscle, and some period cramps.  At this point they were still 15 minutes apart, but I knew that the baby wanted to come soon, but I wasn’t going to go in yet just to be sent home.  I ended up talking scott into doing the deed to get them really going, no passion just give me your seed boy!  So that’s what happened, they didn’t really pick up so I just told Scott to go to bed and I was going to watch a movie to pass the time, there was no way I was going to be falling asleep.  I think I watched about 3 hells kitchens, and 2 honey boo boos before 2am hit and my timer had them coming at 3-4 minutes and lasting anywhere between 45 seconds to 65 seconds.  I finally sucked it up and knew I had to wake Scott up.  I wake him up and he’s trying to get me to confirm if I know FOR SURE, and hell yes I know for sure, it feels like I am being stabbed from the inside and they really do take your breath away for the full minute, your whole body almost tenses up and you try and just stretch out and buck up through the pain, which really does shit all.  Being us, we decided instead of going straight to the hospital we (aka I) wanted to get snacks and some caffeine from Macs, so we did.  I didn’t go inside because with my luck I would have a strong one and the workers would think I was having a stroke in their store.  So scott runs in and I am just sitting in the car by myself at 2 in the morning fighting through the contractions.  Now once Scott was back we finally headed over to the hospital, it’s only about a 15 minute drive where we live but man did it feel like forever this time.  When we arrived we knew the main hospital would be closed but I was positive there would be a way in instead of going through the emerg, and since I am so brilliant I was correct.  So Scott wheels my ass into the hospital and we head up to the 6th floor.  Once we got in there, I just look at the receptionist blankly and say “I think I am having my baby” she proceeds to ask my if my water broke, which it hadn’t and checked me in for observation.  GREAT, me and Scott both thought as we had already been in this area many times before and we were just not looking forward to it thinking they were just going to send us home again.  All hooked up, they determine that I am in fact in labor but the contractions aren’t strong enough to move me into delivery just yet, I had the option of staying there or going home, and I decided to stay there because who knew if the baby would decide to come out faster and I didn’t want to give birth in the car.  I was super excited when she gave me a morphine shot in my butt, and then she suggested we walked around.  We walked around what seemed like the entire hospital before I felt like I was about to pass out from the morphine, it made me so tired and I could still feel the contractions but they definitely weren’t as painful as before.  We got back to our room and just tried our best to sleep.  I was in and out of sleep and Scott was trying his best to sleep on the crappy chair they offer, I think at one point he even tried to sleep on the floor which probably didn’t work out too well.  So 12 hours go by, my labor was starting to progress more and more, but they were having difficulties being able to track babies movement so that was when they decided to bring me to a delivery room.  So it’s 2 pm, 12 hours after we got there and we are finally being transferred to a better room with an actual laz-e-boy for scott to sit in, it was glorious.  Once I was all hooked up to the machines they told me that since they are having difficulty finding a good heartrate they wanted me to stay in the bed instead of trying to walk around or take a shower (which they initially suggested) after many dropped heartrates from the baby the nurse and doctor decided to put a internal monitor inside me which I guess went on the babies head to monitor the heartrate that way, so if she decided to move around we’d still have an idea on her stats.  My mom ended up showing up around 5 pm after not hearing from us forever, thanks to the wonderful cell reception in the hospital.  This is when my contractions really, really started to kick in so I was now 7cm dilated and completely soft so I decided time for the epidural.  Now that my friends is a miracle drug, oh boy oh boy.  I can’t tell you how much that made my labor just that much better.  For some reason growing up the thought of the epidural which is a long needle going into your spine, always freaked me out much much more than labor.  It wasn’t as painful as I thought, they numb you and then put it in so I never felt more than just a pinch.  It took about 20 minutes for the epidural to start working and once it did, like I said it was glorious.  You could still feel the sensation of every contraction but without the pain.  Took about another 2 hours until I was 9 cm dilated so it was about 8:15 at this point and the contractions were still really strong, and so since I told the anesthesiologist who gave me my epi to only give me a half dose he was able to come back and give me the other half, with the warning that my bottom half might just go numb.  Which it did.  Oh did it ever.  Right after this is when everything just started to get scary, the babies heartrate kept dipping really low enough to set the monitors alarms off, my Doctor came in and told me that they think the baby might be distressed and that it’s a possibility I will be needing a C-section so she went off to find the OB.  Once the OB came she told me she wanted to still try to deliver vaginally but it would have to be an assisted delivery instead.  I was completely fine with trying the assisted delivery to try and avoid a c-section.  They both told me that my baby had her head turned a little weird, and that they believed her cord was wrapped around her neck which was causing the heart rate to go down.  Obviously this terrified me.  The OB told me that there were two types of assisted deliveries she could do, first was the vacuum which is literally what it sounds like, it’s a giant suction that attaches onto the babies head.  Second was the forceps which are like giant metal tongs and help grab baby.  I was all for the suction because I have unfortunately read horror stories regarding forceps, but unfortunately they went with the forceps.  Now this is where everything is almost a blur because all of a sudden her heartrate just dropped, now they have a back up baby team incase they need to take her to the NICU, they have others in there incase they need to take us in for a c-section all while my mom and scott are standing at the head of the bed looking just as terrified as I am.  The nurse throws the oxygen mask on me, and they try to get me to go on all fours, but due to the medication from earlier I was completely numb from the waist down so it was next to impossible.  They realized there was no point and they just told me to get back on my back, and they had my legs put up and all of a sudden they are telling me at my next contraction to just push with all my might.  At this point when I am pushing it really, truly does feel like you’re about to just poop your pants.  I was positive thats what it was, but I remember reading that nope, that’s the baby!  My pushing wasn’t doing much because of the way she was still positioned, but after a couple more really, really hard pushes the OB was finally able to get the forceps in and the babies head was out!  I was so excited, I could feel the horrible pressure though of this baby now, and there really was that burning ring of fire that moms warned me about.  Now after one more big push she was out!  Immediately the OB confirmed that yes she had the cord double wrapped around her neck, and she had to cut it and then passed her off to the nurses standing by.  She didn’t even cry right away, she was definitely alert but no tears!  Once she got cleaned up, I was just traumatized and let Scott hold her first, I didn’t want my first memory of holding her while I was still in this situation.  After she was out they now had to deliver the placenta, which I was warned from other moms that this was a horrible feeling, but for me it was nothing!  I am not sure if it was because the forceps made the delivery seem a lot more painful or if it was my adrenaline rushing through me.  Now, at this point my Doctors were able to confirm she was perfectly fine and she’s healthy, but during delivery I had second degree tearing, so they spent about 30 minutes stitching me up down there, I even asked how many stitches out of morbid curiosity but they told me they lost count, I was a little sad.  Once they finished stitching me up I just wanted to hold my baby!  27 hours led to perfection, and Olivia Marie was born at 9:10 pm, on June 14th, weighing 6 pounds & 6 ounces.   So much love for this girl.